Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
