Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
