I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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