worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
