i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize