Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
