He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
