Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
