dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Even my vagina gasped.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
