Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
