would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
