margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
