Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize