She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
