Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
