Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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