I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
