what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
