My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize