if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
