I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize