Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
