you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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