dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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