i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
