hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize