my mouth tastes like poor choices
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
