THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
