i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize