I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I love you.
Bad choice
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
