I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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