It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
