one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
