Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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