I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
