Are we in a gay sports bar?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
