peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
