i think i have two assholes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
