let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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