I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
