we made out on top of his cat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
