just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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