Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize