I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
