there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
