we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
