dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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