She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize