so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
