if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
