Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
