I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i drank out of a bidet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
