Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
