By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
