let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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