Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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