where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
