dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
