it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize