Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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