it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
