everyone is single if you try hard enough
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
