it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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