What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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