sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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