Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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