why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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