Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You made out with two different species that night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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