If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
