Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
