If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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