We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
