i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The best revenge is premature balding
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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