this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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