I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
