Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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