New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
