so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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