woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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