my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
