I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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