I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
