based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
