i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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