His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
