If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
