I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
did i just pee glitter
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