when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
