Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
