i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
