Umm I'm too high to move.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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