somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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