You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
