and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
