ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
