I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
