Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is Oprah even human
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
