Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
