I looked at my own cervix.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
