Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
