If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize